What is civility, and why does it matter?
Here's everything you need to understand what we're building toward.
The key terms, defined
A shared vocabulary is where civility starts. Here are the ideas at the heart of what we do.
Civility
Civility is the practice of treating others with respect, even when we disagree. It allows people with different beliefs and experiences to engage in productive conversations without hostility or personal attacks. A civil society depends on individuals who can exchange ideas thoughtfully, listen carefully, and work toward common understanding.
Civil Discourse
At its heart, civil discourse is about disagreeing well. It doesn't ask everyone to agree. It asks that we listen closely, take opposing ideas seriously enough to ask what might be right about them, and treat finding common ground as no less important than winning.
Active Listening
Active listening is engagement with an opposing viewpoint, with the ultimate goal of coming to a mutual understanding, as opposed to beating down the argument. Practicing active listening is crucial for engaging in civil discourse.
Practicing civility will strengthen your relationships, boost your future prospects, and help you build a meaningful life.
Here's what real students have to say
"…people feel safe when they can be honest. No one wants to deal with an exhausting conversation. "
— Patrick"…starting a heated argument will close you off from forming your own beliefs."
— Téa"…deep conversations are what allow us to truly make connections and engage with each other and the world around us."
— EvieWhere it's already being practiced
Universities across the country are building programs around exactly these skills.
What happens to our brains when we get angry — and what to do about it
When you get into a heated argument, your brain reacts as if you're in real physical danger, even though the situation is only verbal. Anger triggers your body's fight-or-flight response: a rush of adrenaline speeds up your heart, tenses your muscles, and starts to shut down your rational brain.
That's why it gets harder to think clearly mid-argument. You might interrupt, raise your voice, or say things you don't mean and later regret — because your brain is focused on reacting fast instead of thinking carefully. In simple terms, your emotional brain takes over while your thinking brain steps back.
The other person is usually going through the same thing, and you end up with two emotional brains arguing past each other instead of two thinking brains listening.
The good news: you can train your thinking brain to stay in control, even during difficult discussions.
Five ways to stay in control
Simple habits that keep hard conversations respectful and productive.
- If you know a tough talk is coming, prepare — picture where it might get heated and plan ways to keep it calm.
- When things heat up, name it, and slow your breathing to help your body settle.
- Give yourself a moment before responding, so your thinking brain can catch up to your emotions.
- Focus on listening rather than reacting — try to understand their view instead of hunting for why they're wrong.
- Remember their emotional brain may be driving too, so try not to take everything personally.
And if it still feels too heated, it's okay to take a break and come back later.
Why civility is essential to justice
Civil discourse is far more important than people often realize.
In a free society, people will inevitably disagree about politics, public policy, court decisions, and social issues. The rule of law is the idea that everyone, from ordinary citizens to government leaders, is subject to the same laws and that disputes are resolved through fair and peaceful processes rather than through intimidation, threats, or force. It provides a framework for managing those disagreements peacefully, but it depends on citizens being willing to engage with one another respectfully.
Civility helps make that possible.
By listening to different viewpoints, focusing on facts and ideas instead of personal attacks, and recognizing that reasonable people can disagree, we create an environment where conflicts can be resolved through dialogue and justice rather than hostility and division. In this way, civility is more than a social skill. It is one of the foundations of a healthy democracy and a fair legal system.
Courts and democratic institutions depend on participants who respect the rules even when they disagree with the outcome.
The adversarial system works because both sides argue their best case honestly — not by misleading or attacking the person.
Civil society requires that people accept legitimate outcomes even when they lose — and work to change them through lawful means.
Ready to put it into practice?
See all the ways you can get hands-on with civil discourse — from the civility pledge to bringing a federal courthouse program to your school.
Get involved →